Writing and images by Kathryn
(Disclosure: I am not an expert. This is just my beginning.)
Some of you may have noticed that it seems Marily has been
doing all the work this last month at
I Heart AZ. And
you are right. Marily is a friend that
has been there through the thick and thin of it all since we were both awkward
little girls in 8th grade. Marily has
taken over for me for much of this summer because...
I'm a new mom again! That
means I'm getting up every two or three hours in the night and hoping that this
little one doesn't decide to have a party at 3:00 AM (like last night). I try to fit in my meals when I can. My arms and voice seem to be the comfort that
baby craves, which I don't really mind.
I'm soaking in dreamy smiles and chubby cheeks and that fresh baby smell
and trying to forget about all the less important things that still seem to be
calling my attention.
But when I look down at these dark brown eyes and stroke
this beautiful downy hair, I know this baby is not mine to keep. I didn't give birth to him. I don't even have custody of him. I'm his foster mom. I'm here for however long he needs. Whether it is one month or two years or
possibly a lifetime. He is my Maybe
Baby.
|
My girls waiting to meet our new little guy. I had just driven in the garage when my husband snapped this picture. |
Let me tell you, it is crazy adjusting to being the mom
without really being the mom. Crazy! I've given birth to two sets of twins and tandem nursed them for a year each. I figured that would be my crowning jewel, the information they could put on my tombstone to prove I did something valuable in life. But now...now people want to know how fostering feels in comparison. Obviously I'm not lactating and my body isn't in recovery from a recent twin pregnancy and delivery, but becoming a foster mother is VERY different, and not necessarily easier. The emotions of it all are new to me and I'm
navigating as best I can. I'm driving to
biological visits several times a week. I learned how to sign up for WIC. I'm learning what to say to people when this
precious newborn looks nothing like me or my husband or our blond haired blue eyed gaggle of girls. I'm adjusting to the reality of loving
someone so much but not knowing how long I'll get to keep him. I'm adjusting to so many maybe's that
sometimes I think my head might explode.
But I don't regret becoming a foster mom. I know this is what I was supposed to do and
I knew it wouldn't be easy. I knew there
would be days where I would lose sight of why my husband and I made this
decision, but the right idea is not always the easy idea.
In 2012 there were 14,111 children in Arizona who were placed in out-of-home care due to neglect, abandonment or abuse. 14,111!
In 2012, seventy children died in Arizona from "maltreatment." In 2011 it was 71. In 2010 is was 70. That is roughly three whole classrooms full
of children who vanish each year due to abuse.
I've heard, "I could never do that. It would break my heart," so. many. times. First statement is false. Second statement is true. Your heart will be stretched, broken, filled
with so much love you can't stand it and crushed...but you could do it. You can handle that. Most of us were raised in such a way that we
can handle the battle, but these children, no matter what you think your heart
can handle or not, still need homes.
There will still be drunken rage, children born addicted to drugs, too
young of children left to fend for themselves, sexual abuse, emotional and physical abuses, children needing
stability, and the list goes on and on.
I'm not saying foster care is for everyone, but, if you stop
lying to yourself that your heart could never handle it, would you find a heart
actually willing?
(And just to clarify - you do not need to be married to be a foster parent)
Why are you doing foster care?